


Fuck you, Gogoatman!

by IdiotStarfish



Category: Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions, Pokemon - Fandom
Genre: A really dumb buzzfeed unsolved au, i did all this for my discord but you can read if you want smh, theres some swearing so like warning i guess, this thing is really dumb but its midnight so i find it funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 21:22:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20088967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdiotStarfish/pseuds/IdiotStarfish
Summary: Cilan and Iris are basically just Ryan and Shane but dumber and slightly shorter send tweet





	Fuck you, Gogoatman!

"Today we're going to the demonic bridge of the terrifying Gogoatman —"  
_"Gogoatman?"_ Cilan interrupted, looking at her. "We're investigating a demon...that calls himself _Gogoatman?_ And he owns a bridge?"  
They were standing right at the start of the bridge, just barely on it. Iris had refused to go any farther before they started filming; something about wanting to get it on camera if this Gogoatman threw him off the bridge.  
Iris stifled her laughter, nodding. "Yes, a guy that calls himself Gogoatman that owns a bridge, if you can put it like that."  
Cilan nodded, looking into the wooded area around them. "So, are we ready to really get onto it now?"  
Iris, who was apparently feeling brave tonight — how long would that last, Cilan wondered? — nodded and took a large step onto the bridge. Cilan did the same, looking around them. "How are you feeling, Iris? You managed to get on!"  
Iris shot him a look of annoyance. "Of course I did! I'm not going to be scared this time!"  
Cilan smiled politely. "And why's that?"  
"Because we only do one demon thing per season, and from here on out, we'll do all this without fearing for out lives! Right, Axew?" Axew, who was burrowed deep into her hair, let out a small "Ax! Axew!" in agreement.  
"I wish you luck with that, Iris." He put a hand on the railing and Pansage, who'd been sitting on his shoulders, climbed onto it. Iris looked at him like he was a madman, but did nothing to stop him. "Well, this seems like a normal old bridge to me. We haven't been thrown off yet. Why is it seen as demonic?"  
"Someone has been thrown off before," Iris said matter-of-factly. She walked farther onto the bridge and Cilan followed from behind, Pansage still walking on the railing of the bridge.  
"And we're sure he didn't just fall off?" He asked, sounding completely unconvinced.  
"Yes! Yes, yes we are!" She pressed, looking around. The pitch-black sky made it almost impossible for them to see without their flashlights. "If you shut up, I'll tell you the other reason why this bridge is the way it is."  
Cilan leaned on the railing. "Please, go ahead."  
Iris glared at him. "At least _pretend_ to be a little bit concerned?"  
"It goes against my morals to tell a lie like that!" Iris scoffed and rolled her eyes.  
"Right. What a kid," she added under her breath. "Anyway, this bridge was built to connect two towns a long time ago. When I say that, I mean, like, around the time where you could just show up to a patch of land and say 'hey, I might as well make this a town.'"  
That got a laugh out of Cilan. "Ah, the good old days, of being able to make a town out of anything you wanted."  
"You would make an awful town if you were there back then." Iris pointed out, smirking.  
"Not true! How so?!"  
"There'd just be a bunch of restaurants, train stations, and your gym, and nothing more!"  
"Sounds like a dream, if you ask me."  
"Right. Anyway, demons. So time moved on, and now the bridge is old and the towns are gone, and now the bridge is surrounded by these woods. You can't drive over it or ride any Pokemon over it, but, luckily for us, you are allowed to walk over it."  
"Luckily for _us?_"  
"Yeah, I think I was feeling optimistic when I said that, but now that I think about it it's really only lucky for you."  
"I'd never feel lucky purely because of your fear!"  
"You wouldn't be here with me every weak if you didn't enjoy seeing this." Not waiting for a response, Iris continued. "No one is entirely sure why is wasn't demolished a long time ago. Pokemon tend to avoid the bridge as much as possible, so there's no real point for it to still be here."  
"I don't think Pansage mind it much," Cilan pointed out. The pokemon was still on the railing, knocking on it.  
"That's because Pansage is about as stubborn as you."  
"If that's how you'd like to think of it. So why is Gogoatman even on the bridge? Is there any point to him being here, or does he just enjoy bridges? Is he Gogoatman, the bridge conosoiuerr?"  
"Well, not exactly? I mean, we don't know who he actually was back then, so maybe he was a bridge connoissuer? But there's a lot of old legends that reference bridges being gateways to other worlds, so he may be here because of that. Anyway, he's called Gogoatman because witnesses who have actually seen him say he looks half gogoat and half man, hence the name 'Gogoatman.' Not exactly creative, but it could be worse. Another reason why he could be here is because there's speculation that cultists came to this bridge to summon things, and Gogoatman being here was the result of all that."  
"Has it been proven that cultists are here?"  
"Yes!" She exclaimed, grinning. "You may not believe in this dark energy around us, but you have to believe in historical records!"  
Cilan shrugged. "Alright, but there are cultists everywhere. I'm pretty sure some of the usuals at the Striaton City Gym are cultists. Are you saying Chili is a demon?"  
"I wouldn't be surprised." She deadpanned. "Anyway, are you going to do your thing and try to get him to do something to you to prove that he's real?"  
"Your description of my strategy is unnecessarily bitter, but to answer your question, yes." He got off the railing and walked right into the center of the bridge. Pansage jumped onto his shoulders again.  
"I'm just going to go for it, so if you don't want to be involved in what you think may happen, stand back. If you're right, which you aren't, not doing so will leave you with a bad taste in your mouth, and probably worse."  
Iris raised her hands and backed away, looking through the darkness. "Do your thing."  
After a moment of silence, Cilan jumped right into it. "Fuck you, Gogoatman!" He yelled at the air.  
"Cilan!" Iris squealed as Axew poked its head out of her hair only to immediately dive back in.  
"I said I was going to go for it!"  
"I thought you'd build up to it first!"  
"No, I'm just going to thow out my line and wait for a bite!"  
"I mean, if you don't believe in him, I guess you don't have to worry, right? You can be as big as an ass as you want!" She said, still a bit shocked.  
"Exactly my point!" Cilan agreed, before going back to being as rude as possible to Gogoatman. "Oh, Gogoatman!"  
Cilan pulled out a pot, a spoon, a ladle, and some berries and sat down on the bridge, Pansage hopping down from his shoulder to sit next to him. Cilan started putting the berries into the pot and stirring. "Gogoatman, I'm cooking on your bridge! This is my bridge now!"  
_"Cilan!"_  
"If you'd like me to stop cooking on this bridge, Gogoatman, I'm afraid you'll just have to kill me!"  
Iris stared, dumbfounded, as Cilan kept on mixing the berries like this was a normal, everyday conversation with a demonic entity. "I assure you, making the bridge snap from under Pansage and I will leave you with a delicious aftertaste!"  
"I don't think it's ever broken before —"  
"Look at how I mix my berries, Gogoatman! I disrespect your bridge!"  
"He is totally sharpening his blades right now, Cilan."  
"Look at me, Gogoatman! Iris and I now own your bridge!"  
"No! No! Do _not_ loop me into this, Cilan!"  
"Go ahead and tell him you don't want his bridge, then, Iris!"  
"I don't want your bridge!" She yelled into the darkness.  
"You're talking to Gogoatman now, correct?"  
"...dammit."  
"Oh, Gogoatman!" He said in a sing-songy voice. Pansage, jumping from one foot to the other, was making as much racket as it could.  
"I'm not with them!" Iris insisted, trying to keep herself from dying for as long as possible.  
Cilan continued with the act of blatant disrespect. "They'll be putting _my_ name in graffiti!"  
"Arceus —"  
"Trainers will come here and tell their traveling partners tales of _me!"_  
And with that, there was silence. Pansage stopped, Iris waited, her heart pounding, and Cilan smiled. "You see, Iris? Nothing."  
"Yeah. Yeah, sure, let's just get into the forest."

**Author's Note:**

> If I must I'll write about their good ol' adventures in the woods


End file.
